To begin with,let me state,that I am no expert on good parenting,and my views are just out of my experience,and not any advice to anybody.I have been very good with kids since beginning and fond of girl child mostly.Rather I always preferred my nieces to my nephews so I was often blamed for being partial.When I got pregnant,definitely I was hoping for a daughter and when kabir was born,it was as if a challenge was thrown to me by God almighty,to prove that I could be a good mother to a son .Iam just sharing what I felt at that moment.But the moment I held my bundle of joy in my hands for the first time , it was a blissful moment,I can never forget .I don't think anyone can ever forget that moment,and its my personal belief that those memories help a great deal in those trying moments of motherhood or rather parenthood.
The moment I learnt of my pregnancy,I had immediately decided that I would quit working and will be a full time mother.Trust me,I have never regretted my decision,it has been six years since then.Its my personal feeling that child needs you full time especially in early years of childhood.And all the more so because its a beautiful experience watching your child grow before your eyes every moment.I am glad that I didn't miss out on any particular memory related to kabir,each day was a new chapter in parenthood unfolding itself beautifully and leaving it's imprint on my heart and mind.I don't intend to say that working mothers are any less dedicated to their kids .I ,myself had a working mother ,I never regretted that,except for the fact that being eldest child,I matured a little early thrust with the responsibilities.But it has had its own merits,I knew how to shoulder responsibilities well in time,so no complaints maa,my lovely mother who sowed seeds of being a good and responsible human being despite working full time.
My next experience related of being a good parent,which I learnt rather the hard way was that don't be too yielding to your child.For first three years I was the extreme doting mother,who hardly knew how to say "no" to my son.His delayed speech and then the diagnosis of ASD also was responsible for it.I was always so eager to be the voice of my son.But kabir's reluctance in obeying my instructions when he started going to special educator made me realize that i was in a way spoiling my son.He was very compliant to my husband and other people but non responsive to me.I had to take matters in my own hands,as his therapists made me realize that I was doing more harm than good.Then my husband left for abroad and now it was a bigger challenge be being both a strict parent and the doting mom.So I firmly feel that right from very beginning certain amount of strictness is good for the child....
Hats off to Pre-primary teachers and Primary teachers who make every thing so interesting for young impressionable minds that they open up to learning new things..so,when I would be thrown with a challenge to make kabir understand a new concept I have always tried to put myself into shoes with his teachers as to how they will do and it often opens up my mind to new ways of making things appealing for my son.So I feel that parents should work in tandem with the teachers of their kids .They should keep themselves aware of every new development in their kids life especially at school.I don't wait for parent teacher meeting held once in two or three months ,I take appointment every month to have a chat with his teacher and frankly discuss the problems ,I am facing with kabir more so on education and learning front.We should't assume that our responsibilities are over once our kid begins his/her school life.Rather results are lot better if parents and teacher work hand in hand.I have taught senior classes for many years and I always felt it was equal duty of parents and teachers to keep student morally motivated and interested in his/her studies.I always advised the parents not to over burden their children with pressures of high scoring and their ambitions.Today when I myself am a parent,I feel that it is not easy to keep your ambitions away from your child's performance but it is not impossible.Many will think that it is easy to say as my son is still too young to be part of any competition in the confines of their classroom or the boundaries of their school.I keep thinking of those days also which I will ultimately face.What I feel in those moments is not the anxiety as to how I will stop myself or my husband from pressurizing kabir for scoring high percentage.What I worry is that these days the limit of aspirations is not 80 or 90 percent ,it is 100 percent.,and keeping that in mind how will I stop kabir from pressurizing himself by the demands of today's education system.That's going to be a big challenge before me and all parents in time to come.
Lastly what I feel is one of the biggest challenge for parents in today's crime infested world filled with perverted minds is to save their kids from being victim of child abuse.I have seen cases of child abuse within my close circle and Its a daunting task before parents to teach their kids about self protection.What I have begin with is to teach kabir about primary concepts of good touch and bad touch.It's a bit difficult as kabir is a very affectionate and demonstrative child.So,to teach him how to refrain himself from hugging and kissing just anyone and everyone,and also to teach himself about being hugged and cuddled by just anyone.So,I am still working on the concept of circle of trust so as to make him understand how much proximity he should allow to different people that he knows and meets....
So, adieu till I have got few more ideas and experiences to share with you all.
