Power of Loneliness

Finally after a long time I have again settled down to pen down or should I say type down my thoughts.I have been struggling through long spell of loneliness,my husband being abroad and my son being busy in his own world.I was sinking deep into gloom,not doing much except being lost in nostalgic memories of beautiful family time spent earlier.Loneliness has many risks....like sinking you deep into depression,making you melancholic and even making you irritable,so jealous of others spending time and enjoying in company of their loved ones.I was no exception.Past few months I have spent either being lost in day dreams or being irritable and jealous at good fortunes of others and I have been neck deep into depression too.but slowly and steadily i have realized or I should say one of my friends have made me realize that Iam not that lonely.I have the most powerful companion,my creative side,whose power I can unleash to its full bounds in my loneliness.

So let me share with you the good aspects of loneliness .I have had unlimited time for introspection.Once you get tied down to family and motherhood ,there is hardly any time for yourself.But with lot of free time in my hands I have given lot of time to understand the way I have changed over years.Yes,I have changed but not necessarily evolved.I have been a caring and loving wife and a thoughtful mother too but side by side I have immersed myself so much into this process that I have lost my independent self somewhere down the line.No,no ,no,don't take me wrong.I am not blaming my marriage,my husband or my son for this.I am one of those luckiest wives whose husband has stood through thick and thin.My husband always has supported my being independent.learning more and more,and I credit my M.Phil and Advanced Diploma in Creative Writing to his support only.He is rather disappointed with my decision of being just a home maker.He has full faith that I am far more capable than that n I m allowing my high qualifications rust in the folds of time.Few days back ,just idly browsing through my resume and my whole bunch of certificates I realized how correct he was,My lonely days have made me realize that I am far more capable of supporting my family and there is my creative self waiting to utilize its full potential.
Other merit of my being alone has been to learn how to control my impulsive self.I am one of those people who take out their frustrations and wrath on their nearest and dearest ones.But with no one by my side(at least in person) except my young son,my immediate reaction was to take it out on my friends but then gradually I am realizing that I am hurting all those people who love me so much and who by choice haven't left my side despite all my foolishness and follies.I have learnt the value of their love and dedication and hopefully I will turn out to be equally caring and dedicated ones.
With lot of time in hand and with personality of the type that I can be mentally present at two places,(meaning that I m doing one thing and thinking of something else),what i have learned is to gather myself and be total in my efforts at one time instead of my distracted halves.I know you will say that what is an achievement in this.But trust me,when you are living a busy life performing your various roles,you learn the knack of making the things fall into their places.you often have no choice.But true talent is when you have lot of time in your hands,and no rush to give your best performance,how to best utilize the time and the opportunities without undermining yourself.It is indeed an art to learn to preserve your identity in this maze of incessant thoughts that gather around you in so much free time.
Well these are some merits I have found in my long spell of idle time and hopefully I have come out lot more understanding,giving due credit to different relations in my life and probably on this trail to rediscover my self and my creativity,which everyone sees in me and makes me realize but I have ignored it for too long.Waiting to see myself living new roles and responsibilities in this new year.Now for myself I can truly wish everyone and myself a very happy new year.:-)