Child abuse

Child abuse-a topic ,an issue which is very relevant ,not since recent past but since ages,but still a taboo subject which no one wants to discuss .Neither those who have undergone the trauma of it in their childhood ,nor those who haven't experienced and hence are the fortunate ones

A victim of child abuse is scarred for life.They have undergone ill treatment at the hands of strangers as well as the trusted ones;someone from their own family or among the relatives,the so called trusted ones;someone from their own family or among the relatives.The victim are no more only the nubile,young girls but young and adolescent boys as well.When they face these traumatic experiences,they undergo a range of feelings.Firstly there is confusion as they do not realize what is happening with them.then there is feeling of shame and guilt as they often feel that it must be some of their own fault that they are being manhandled.there is lot of anguish and the biggest problem and pain is that they do not know whom to tell .If they tell their parents,and some relative is involved,99% chance is that parents won't believe.This is what has happened with so many of my acquaintances and this leads to increase in sense of insecurity and loneliness.They grow up with these feelings and a battered personality where they find it very difficult to trust the known and the strangers alike.

As a mother of 5 year old son i am also undergoing the same fear these days.When one of the days ,my son comes and tell me"ma,uncle pinched me,uncle loved me",i don't know how to find out the culprit and to what intentions and to what extent my son has been teased or ill-treated.It makes me feel so helpless and i spent countless nights sleepless,wondering how safe my son is when he steps out in the outside world.How do i protect him from all the evil eyes and how do i educate him to protect himself from being abused.

Here comes the issue of,a very important one,training our children against these evil practice of child abuse.We need to teach them about the "good touch" and the "bad touch" right from the age of 3+.I've also started telling my son about the bad touch and how to say NO.We need to make them realize that we are there to protect them and they can confide their innermost and darkest fears,if they ever under go some experience which they find uncomfortable.Also we need to teach them about the "circle of trust" that is whom they should allow to come near them and shower their affection.To what extent even patting and cuddling is to be allowed.

We have to raise our kids in a very unsafe world(where even 3 months baby girls are raped and where even fathers molest their kids) but without making them lose their faith in the goodness of humans and trust.It's indeed a tricky job but "we" mothers are capable of it:-). We just have to be alert and sensitive both,without getting lost in the responsibilities that comes with being a woman and the endless chores we are entrusted with in our day to day life.keep the faith

nalini

TheProblem Called Love

My friends and people close to me know I am a die-hard romantic who loves to see life through rose colored spectacles.I am a die hard optimist too,believing that one day everything will come around and every thing will be sorted out.Born as the eldest one out of my siblings and being introvert by nature,I didn't know how to wriggle out of responsibilities or to rebel against the limitations and restrictions,as I always believed that"whatever happens,happens for the Good".I have no regrets except that being introvert I lost out on valuable fun time wid my brother and sister.They knew how to live life with maximum fun.But it didn't mean that I didn't love my family.I loved them very much and when they didn't understand what I felt for them it really hurt me.That's the problem of loving people.
That is the problem called love.That's the problem of not being able to remain detached.That is the problem of expecting something out of every relation where we invest time,energy and especially our emotions.Since child hood I have been the typical senti type.Getting too attached to people I liked and being honest and loyal towards them.But was it always rewarded back the same way ? No.Did it stop me from loving them? o.Then I shouldn't be complaining....Thats where being optimist comes.Every time some one would hurt me I would shed few tears and be back to them the very next day.Would you believe that I only had one best friend throughout my school n college life.And here was the big fact that for me she was my best and only friend but I wasn't the same for her.She was beautiful,and she was popular.I sometimes felt that I was just one of her countless admirers.She is still precious to me but she hardly reverts back to me in years.
I am not writing this entry to list out my complaints against people who used me as their emotional anchor whenever they needed me and then walked over me making me feel like a doormat.It hass happened time and again.And here is why that now I called love as a problem.It makes you weak .It makes you dependent.You crave for things and people who simply don't belong to you.I keep learning this lesson every other day and what it is doing to me....It is making me cynical and skeptical.Some where I have become cold hearted but that still does not stop me from loving people who love me,who care for me.Because I know what it means to have unrequited love.And please don't take the word "love" in only usual sense when I use it here,I mean it as it encompasses all of us-the human being through myriad emotions and all possible sort of relations.At the end of the day,it all boils down to one basic fact-we are humans,the only creations of God who know how to love and express it the way we care for people.May be I look at every new person coming into my life with question mark in my mind but then who said being human was easy.life never promised to be easy and so at the end of the day if love is a problem,a difficult problem ,so be it,it adds a dash of spice to our life.Lets learn how to enjoy it and savor it.

HERE COMES HOLI AGAIN....

Here comes Holi again and once again I m so low for 3rd year in a row.There was a time when I used to anxiously wait for this favorite festival of mine but then those were Lucknow days.One week before i would start doing the preparations.I would go the khoya(mawa) mandi of my lovely city and procure the best khoya for making gujhiyas.Then I would go to market to get the best dry n wet colors to be used for holi.I loved the traditional abeer and gulaal.Then would come the turn of making countless types of papads(I was an expert) and mathri,shakar paras,dalmoths and every possible type of holi special delicacies.It would rain for at least 2-3 times before holi,making it slightly cold.
On the day of holi,getting up early ,I and papa would go for holi puja,then at home offer colors and delicacies to various deities and then it was just the MASTI TIME.....colours and colours all around.People used to find it strange that a shy and introvert girl like me loved Holi!But yes,I did,perhaps it had something to do with the colors and delicacies.But gone are those days.Things started mellowing down after papa's death.It was me,papa and bro who loved Holi.My mom and sister hated it.At least the smearing of colors part...Bhai went out of station ,papa was no more n first holi after that even Adi wasn't there.but following 2-3 years I enjoyed a lot as thankfully my husband loved Holi too.
In pune holi is boring.and then he went abroad so all my interest in Holi waned.I would just stand in my balcony and watch all the fun and frolic going around ,the hullabaloo of the kids and all.This year also Holi is going to be a dry,colorless affair for me.I miss those lucknow days of Holi...I MISS YOU.......