Life is grey....that was a poem I had written at least 8 yrs back and it got awarded by poetry.com and I was awarded certificate of accomplishment.This poem is mounted on wall of my drawing room.But why am I talking about it suddenly?I have been given new lease of life by my own poem at this most difficult time of my life...my marriage is on the rocks and I was very very bitter,feeling cheated ,angry,shattered and what not...
Just 3 days back I was sailing on the moon...On the seventh sky with the hope that my husband is back to us for good and basking in glory of kabir being a finalist at the poetry recitation competition.I was waiting for my husband to be back from his interview trip and that he would attend the function with me...actually kabir was waiting even more eagerly...But it all changed within hours..my husband left again,Kabir was devastated and I was so upset.I was hysterical for hours,For first time my neighbors complained that I was keeping my t.v too loud...Actually I am glad now that they thought it was t.v not me....I was feeling so bad for kabir.He is seeing his class mates and his friends with their both parents...their father take them out for outing,play with them and help them on day to day basis...He had a wish list of at least ten things he wanted to do with his father..but it never materialized.How do I explain to my 6 year old son that why his father has gone back to his saudi office when just 3 days back he had promised that we will live together!!
It took me whole one night to get back my composure after being totally hysterical...And in the morning I just saw my poem ..and I smiled.I realized that its all part of life.I can't afford being so angry and upset..it was directly affecting my son,previous night he had a terrible bout of asthma seeing my anger...No way I could allow that to happen to him.I may have lost faith in love but I can't allow him to have that negative attitude towards life and love just when he is exploring the beauty of relations.I pledged to myself that kabir won't experience the bitterness of broken homes.He will not be forced to think ill of his father.He needs his father in his life and he will have it though may be a distance relationship.
So I am back to my usual life ,avoiding thinking about the bad events of my life.I am trying to be so positive that I am avoiding the slightest of negative thoughts.Last on Monday I just enjoyed the stupendous performance of kabir at the finals,though the nagging English teacher inside was noticing the liitle mistakes that he made,but I pushed her to the back and enjoyed the thrill of this major achievement of my wonderful son.I relished the fact that his vice-principal who had called me to complain about behavioral issues of Kabir,was surprised and very happy with kabir's performance.She told me that "Kabir was really very good" and I could see that look of appreciation for my efforts at his improvement.My day was made.
So now my next move is to get a good paying job as soon as possible.I need to work and earn to create enough funds for kabir 's future.Though my husband hasn't shrugged off his financoial responsibilties but i don't want to leave anything to chance.Moreover I need to work to keep my over active,over fertile,overtime working brain really busy so that I don't go back to depression and brooding.Yes,Life Is Grey.and it is best this way.If it would be totally white it would be so predictable and boring And if it was all black...it would be so miserable so I love my life with its specks of grey.