I don't know whether anyone would be interested in my usual day but just sharing it with yoy,so as to know people find it interesting or boring.I am basically very lazy type.During childhood days,i.e school days,if I had 10'o clock school,I 'll get up at 8' not before it.My nani tried her level best to make me get up at 4'o and do some studies or say some prayers.but our equations didn't agree ever.I was the darling of my grand mother(dadi) and thankfully ,she didn't set such high unattainable standards for me.During exams I will study whole evening and at night till 2' o.but early mornings were just not for me:-)Iam a totally night person.
After I joined college,it was even better.College started at 11' so now I could sleep for half an hour more.but I didn't miss out on physical exercise needed.I will walk for 4 km of my college and same for coming back.It served me two purposes-firstly I could some how control my weight,and secondly,I saved enough money to maintain my two passions-music and reading.My study hours moved to 11'p.m to 4'0 all throughout my P.G days.
College life ended and so ended the days of freedom.working life started....My school started at 7.30 and I had to catch a 6.45 bus.Oh ,what a torture it was,getting up at 5'o and finish daily chores,do puja,make tiffin n rush to the bus stop.Would you believe,I used to compensate my sleep in the bus.I would dose off the moment bus moved and my body clock would wake me up exactly 5 minute before I reached my stop.Everyone in the bus used to be so amused.But those days lasted for around 4 years.Then I started driving my scooty and all that charm of catching on my sleep was lost in the adrenaline rush of driving my own vehicle.I still feel that rush of passion as I think of those days.
Days passed rapidly and with changing jobs from H.A.L to K.V Bhavnagar,to D.P.S lko,then to A.P.S lko life didnt change much,almost same day schedule.Only thing that changed was that now I possessed mobile and so lot of time went in chatting and conversing with friends.Of them the most precious one was ofcourse my husband.We used to talk up to 4-5 hours daily....imagine.
Then came motherhood and my life changed.Now my schedule was dictated by my darling son,who unluckily didn't sleep much and so late nights and early mornings became the routine,and no afternoon nap too.....phew!! it was exhausting and it still is.....
Coming to my present life,my day starts at 6.30 a.m,beginning with getting kabir ready for his school,making his tiffin,and dropping him off to bus.Then I have almost 5 hrs in my hand which I spent differently,some days,just listening to music and finishing off my household chores,otherr days doing some writing or painting.and these days of winters I have just enjoyed my sweet slumber after sending kabir to school,till my maid comes to work.But despite all that laziness,my day begins with wishing my near and dear ones a very good morning.After kabir comes back,my day is devoted to him.Taking him to his special educator,speech therapist and the occupational therapist.Getting his schedule organized and followed,getting his h.w done and regular practise of academics.Evening ,I and Kabir go out.He does his cycling and playing with other kids.I monitor them during my walks.
Night of course is cooking and dinner.little t.v,some of kabir's choice and some of mine.and finally after kabir sleeps,I do some reading and then doze off.Nothing special about my schedule na!but it would need lot of revamping after my husband comes back.All that time that I spent on net,especially on fb will be done away with....and then I will share my new daily schedule with you my friends.:-)Now ,its bedtime,so good night and take care.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
My experiences of efforts of being a good parent..
To begin with,let me state,that I am no expert on good parenting,and my views are just out of my experience,and not any advice to anybody.I have been very good with kids since beginning and fond of girl child mostly.Rather I always preferred my nieces to my nephews so I was often blamed for being partial.When I got pregnant,definitely I was hoping for a daughter and when kabir was born,it was as if a challenge was thrown to me by God almighty,to prove that I could be a good mother to a son .Iam just sharing what I felt at that moment.But the moment I held my bundle of joy in my hands for the first time , it was a blissful moment,I can never forget .I don't think anyone can ever forget that moment,and its my personal belief that those memories help a great deal in those trying moments of motherhood or rather parenthood.
The moment I learnt of my pregnancy,I had immediately decided that I would quit working and will be a full time mother.Trust me,I have never regretted my decision,it has been six years since then.Its my personal feeling that child needs you full time especially in early years of childhood.And all the more so because its a beautiful experience watching your child grow before your eyes every moment.I am glad that I didn't miss out on any particular memory related to kabir,each day was a new chapter in parenthood unfolding itself beautifully and leaving it's imprint on my heart and mind.I don't intend to say that working mothers are any less dedicated to their kids .I ,myself had a working mother ,I never regretted that,except for the fact that being eldest child,I matured a little early thrust with the responsibilities.But it has had its own merits,I knew how to shoulder responsibilities well in time,so no complaints maa,my lovely mother who sowed seeds of being a good and responsible human being despite working full time.
My next experience related of being a good parent,which I learnt rather the hard way was that don't be too yielding to your child.For first three years I was the extreme doting mother,who hardly knew how to say "no" to my son.His delayed speech and then the diagnosis of ASD also was responsible for it.I was always so eager to be the voice of my son.But kabir's reluctance in obeying my instructions when he started going to special educator made me realize that i was in a way spoiling my son.He was very compliant to my husband and other people but non responsive to me.I had to take matters in my own hands,as his therapists made me realize that I was doing more harm than good.Then my husband left for abroad and now it was a bigger challenge be being both a strict parent and the doting mom.So I firmly feel that right from very beginning certain amount of strictness is good for the child....
Hats off to Pre-primary teachers and Primary teachers who make every thing so interesting for young impressionable minds that they open up to learning new things..so,when I would be thrown with a challenge to make kabir understand a new concept I have always tried to put myself into shoes with his teachers as to how they will do and it often opens up my mind to new ways of making things appealing for my son.So I feel that parents should work in tandem with the teachers of their kids .They should keep themselves aware of every new development in their kids life especially at school.I don't wait for parent teacher meeting held once in two or three months ,I take appointment every month to have a chat with his teacher and frankly discuss the problems ,I am facing with kabir more so on education and learning front.We should't assume that our responsibilities are over once our kid begins his/her school life.Rather results are lot better if parents and teacher work hand in hand.I have taught senior classes for many years and I always felt it was equal duty of parents and teachers to keep student morally motivated and interested in his/her studies.I always advised the parents not to over burden their children with pressures of high scoring and their ambitions.Today when I myself am a parent,I feel that it is not easy to keep your ambitions away from your child's performance but it is not impossible.Many will think that it is easy to say as my son is still too young to be part of any competition in the confines of their classroom or the boundaries of their school.I keep thinking of those days also which I will ultimately face.What I feel in those moments is not the anxiety as to how I will stop myself or my husband from pressurizing kabir for scoring high percentage.What I worry is that these days the limit of aspirations is not 80 or 90 percent ,it is 100 percent.,and keeping that in mind how will I stop kabir from pressurizing himself by the demands of today's education system.That's going to be a big challenge before me and all parents in time to come.
Lastly what I feel is one of the biggest challenge for parents in today's crime infested world filled with perverted minds is to save their kids from being victim of child abuse.I have seen cases of child abuse within my close circle and Its a daunting task before parents to teach their kids about self protection.What I have begin with is to teach kabir about primary concepts of good touch and bad touch.It's a bit difficult as kabir is a very affectionate and demonstrative child.So,to teach him how to refrain himself from hugging and kissing just anyone and everyone,and also to teach himself about being hugged and cuddled by just anyone.So,I am still working on the concept of circle of trust so as to make him understand how much proximity he should allow to different people that he knows and meets....
So, adieu till I have got few more ideas and experiences to share with you all.
The moment I learnt of my pregnancy,I had immediately decided that I would quit working and will be a full time mother.Trust me,I have never regretted my decision,it has been six years since then.Its my personal feeling that child needs you full time especially in early years of childhood.And all the more so because its a beautiful experience watching your child grow before your eyes every moment.I am glad that I didn't miss out on any particular memory related to kabir,each day was a new chapter in parenthood unfolding itself beautifully and leaving it's imprint on my heart and mind.I don't intend to say that working mothers are any less dedicated to their kids .I ,myself had a working mother ,I never regretted that,except for the fact that being eldest child,I matured a little early thrust with the responsibilities.But it has had its own merits,I knew how to shoulder responsibilities well in time,so no complaints maa,my lovely mother who sowed seeds of being a good and responsible human being despite working full time.
My next experience related of being a good parent,which I learnt rather the hard way was that don't be too yielding to your child.For first three years I was the extreme doting mother,who hardly knew how to say "no" to my son.His delayed speech and then the diagnosis of ASD also was responsible for it.I was always so eager to be the voice of my son.But kabir's reluctance in obeying my instructions when he started going to special educator made me realize that i was in a way spoiling my son.He was very compliant to my husband and other people but non responsive to me.I had to take matters in my own hands,as his therapists made me realize that I was doing more harm than good.Then my husband left for abroad and now it was a bigger challenge be being both a strict parent and the doting mom.So I firmly feel that right from very beginning certain amount of strictness is good for the child....
Hats off to Pre-primary teachers and Primary teachers who make every thing so interesting for young impressionable minds that they open up to learning new things..so,when I would be thrown with a challenge to make kabir understand a new concept I have always tried to put myself into shoes with his teachers as to how they will do and it often opens up my mind to new ways of making things appealing for my son.So I feel that parents should work in tandem with the teachers of their kids .They should keep themselves aware of every new development in their kids life especially at school.I don't wait for parent teacher meeting held once in two or three months ,I take appointment every month to have a chat with his teacher and frankly discuss the problems ,I am facing with kabir more so on education and learning front.We should't assume that our responsibilities are over once our kid begins his/her school life.Rather results are lot better if parents and teacher work hand in hand.I have taught senior classes for many years and I always felt it was equal duty of parents and teachers to keep student morally motivated and interested in his/her studies.I always advised the parents not to over burden their children with pressures of high scoring and their ambitions.Today when I myself am a parent,I feel that it is not easy to keep your ambitions away from your child's performance but it is not impossible.Many will think that it is easy to say as my son is still too young to be part of any competition in the confines of their classroom or the boundaries of their school.I keep thinking of those days also which I will ultimately face.What I feel in those moments is not the anxiety as to how I will stop myself or my husband from pressurizing kabir for scoring high percentage.What I worry is that these days the limit of aspirations is not 80 or 90 percent ,it is 100 percent.,and keeping that in mind how will I stop kabir from pressurizing himself by the demands of today's education system.That's going to be a big challenge before me and all parents in time to come.
Lastly what I feel is one of the biggest challenge for parents in today's crime infested world filled with perverted minds is to save their kids from being victim of child abuse.I have seen cases of child abuse within my close circle and Its a daunting task before parents to teach their kids about self protection.What I have begin with is to teach kabir about primary concepts of good touch and bad touch.It's a bit difficult as kabir is a very affectionate and demonstrative child.So,to teach him how to refrain himself from hugging and kissing just anyone and everyone,and also to teach himself about being hugged and cuddled by just anyone.So,I am still working on the concept of circle of trust so as to make him understand how much proximity he should allow to different people that he knows and meets....
So, adieu till I have got few more ideas and experiences to share with you all.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Almost single
I am almost single.....Well,well,well,I m still happily married,but bringing up my son almost single handedly and trust me its an enormous task.Hats off to all single mothers.Being entrusted with the responsibility of an aspergers son makes it all difficult and then fathers play an important role in healthy upbringing of a male child,doctors told me.But can't turn off face from the reality that for few months more I have to handle it all alone .My main concern is how to do it all without ignoring the importance of father in his life.But boys are different,they need cricket,football,boxing,going out on a two wheeler and cars....In short they need "action" and un luckily I am not action oriented at all...:-( .I am one of those females who are far away from all possible sorts of action,who live in the mushy mushy world of love and romance and who are still a child a heart,dying to play with their dolls and just forget the nitty gritties of life and live free from onerous responsibilities of this mad mad world....in their fairy tale world.
The day kabir's diagnosis was made,I was shaken out of my fairy tale world,which I had led till then despite job and family responsibilties.But being a stubborn and determined taurean I refused to kill enjoying the simple joys of life and did not forget to smile at the harsh realities of life.Lot of credit goes to my husband,my mother,my sister and choicest of friends,,who have stood by me,whether they acceptedthe diagnosis or not.Yes,few of them still believe that kabir is just a case of developmental delay.I and my husband gave full respect to their opinions but didnt allow it to prejudice our action plan.We started with speech therapy as kabir wasnt verbal till two and a half years of age and it was heart breaking as well as horrifying.Then we started visits to the special educator,that was very motivating and then to deal with kabir's sensory issues we started occupational therapy.
It was manageable till my husband was in India,though he used to shuttle between mumbai and pune.Once he left for abroad,for a project,realities struck me even harder.I was alone with entire responsibility of right development of my son and that too with such uncertain and unknown paths and maneouveres .I fought my sense of inadequacy and fears of facing this hostile city and tried to manage alone.There were developments and progresses ,kabir became verbal.He started well at his pre-school and currently he is in senior kg.He will be promoted to class 1 this june onwards.With lot of free time in hand i have become lazy.I still day dream a lot and since I don't keep very good health,keep fighting those issues too.At such occasions I feel as if living life of a single mother,managing everything all alone,with no shoulder to cry upon...and occasionally get this feeling of life not being fair to me.At forty,this is not the life I had dreamed of.
But ,then being the stubborn one ,the way I am,I keep reminding myself that a new horizon is waiting for me and my family,when we will be together and till then I am Almost Single...free to enjoy life the way I can after discharging my duties and responsibilities.I am not regretting this brief spell of being alone....
The day kabir's diagnosis was made,I was shaken out of my fairy tale world,which I had led till then despite job and family responsibilties.But being a stubborn and determined taurean I refused to kill enjoying the simple joys of life and did not forget to smile at the harsh realities of life.Lot of credit goes to my husband,my mother,my sister and choicest of friends,,who have stood by me,whether they acceptedthe diagnosis or not.Yes,few of them still believe that kabir is just a case of developmental delay.I and my husband gave full respect to their opinions but didnt allow it to prejudice our action plan.We started with speech therapy as kabir wasnt verbal till two and a half years of age and it was heart breaking as well as horrifying.Then we started visits to the special educator,that was very motivating and then to deal with kabir's sensory issues we started occupational therapy.
It was manageable till my husband was in India,though he used to shuttle between mumbai and pune.Once he left for abroad,for a project,realities struck me even harder.I was alone with entire responsibility of right development of my son and that too with such uncertain and unknown paths and maneouveres .I fought my sense of inadequacy and fears of facing this hostile city and tried to manage alone.There were developments and progresses ,kabir became verbal.He started well at his pre-school and currently he is in senior kg.He will be promoted to class 1 this june onwards.With lot of free time in hand i have become lazy.I still day dream a lot and since I don't keep very good health,keep fighting those issues too.At such occasions I feel as if living life of a single mother,managing everything all alone,with no shoulder to cry upon...and occasionally get this feeling of life not being fair to me.At forty,this is not the life I had dreamed of.
But ,then being the stubborn one ,the way I am,I keep reminding myself that a new horizon is waiting for me and my family,when we will be together and till then I am Almost Single...free to enjoy life the way I can after discharging my duties and responsibilities.I am not regretting this brief spell of being alone....
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Power of Loneliness
Finally after a long time I have again settled down to pen down or should I say type down my thoughts.I have been struggling through long spell of loneliness,my husband being abroad and my son being busy in his own world.I was sinking deep into gloom,not doing much except being lost in nostalgic memories of beautiful family time spent earlier.Loneliness has many risks....like sinking you deep into depression,making you melancholic and even making you irritable,so jealous of others spending time and enjoying in company of their loved ones.I was no exception.Past few months I have spent either being lost in day dreams or being irritable and jealous at good fortunes of others and I have been neck deep into depression too.but slowly and steadily i have realized or I should say one of my friends have made me realize that Iam not that lonely.I have the most powerful companion,my creative side,whose power I can unleash to its full bounds in my loneliness.
So let me share with you the good aspects of loneliness .I have had unlimited time for introspection.Once you get tied down to family and motherhood ,there is hardly any time for yourself.But with lot of free time in my hands I have given lot of time to understand the way I have changed over years.Yes,I have changed but not necessarily evolved.I have been a caring and loving wife and a thoughtful mother too but side by side I have immersed myself so much into this process that I have lost my independent self somewhere down the line.No,no ,no,don't take me wrong.I am not blaming my marriage,my husband or my son for this.I am one of those luckiest wives whose husband has stood through thick and thin.My husband always has supported my being independent.learning more and more,and I credit my M.Phil and Advanced Diploma in Creative Writing to his support only.He is rather disappointed with my decision of being just a home maker.He has full faith that I am far more capable than that n I m allowing my high qualifications rust in the folds of time.Few days back ,just idly browsing through my resume and my whole bunch of certificates I realized how correct he was,My lonely days have made me realize that I am far more capable of supporting my family and there is my creative self waiting to utilize its full potential.
Other merit of my being alone has been to learn how to control my impulsive self.I am one of those people who take out their frustrations and wrath on their nearest and dearest ones.But with no one by my side(at least in person) except my young son,my immediate reaction was to take it out on my friends but then gradually I am realizing that I am hurting all those people who love me so much and who by choice haven't left my side despite all my foolishness and follies.I have learnt the value of their love and dedication and hopefully I will turn out to be equally caring and dedicated ones.
With lot of time in hand and with personality of the type that I can be mentally present at two places,(meaning that I m doing one thing and thinking of something else),what i have learned is to gather myself and be total in my efforts at one time instead of my distracted halves.I know you will say that what is an achievement in this.But trust me,when you are living a busy life performing your various roles,you learn the knack of making the things fall into their places.you often have no choice.But true talent is when you have lot of time in your hands,and no rush to give your best performance,how to best utilize the time and the opportunities without undermining yourself.It is indeed an art to learn to preserve your identity in this maze of incessant thoughts that gather around you in so much free time.
Well these are some merits I have found in my long spell of idle time and hopefully I have come out lot more understanding,giving due credit to different relations in my life and probably on this trail to rediscover my self and my creativity,which everyone sees in me and makes me realize but I have ignored it for too long.Waiting to see myself living new roles and responsibilities in this new year.Now for myself I can truly wish everyone and myself a very happy new year.:-)
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