Happy Friendship Day ...

Belated Happy Friendship Day readers.

A good reminder indeed to reach out to our friends with whom we might have lost touch on regular basis. But somehow I always reflect, how busy we all have become in our lives that we need a reminder of importance of our lifeline, our friends. And again as the day passes, we get busy in the daily humdrum of our lives.

I, for one was more of a shy, introvert and behind the scene kind of person in my school life. School, where we often lay the foundation of lifetime friendships. I had three main friends whom I considered my best friends, though they had other close friends too. I have always believed that there can be more than one best friend, so I never minded and kept my sense of possessiveness to myself. Today I can proudly say that my best friends since then have become my best friends forever. Yes, they are integral part of my life even thirty years later. And on the path of life, over the years my other school friends have joined my inner circle .I have discovered to my delight that I wasn't as invisible as I presumed. They remembered me much more than I could expect and they cared for me. So don't assume, reach out to your friends if ay misunderstandings and doubts.

One important lesson taught to me by my friend ABC (I will not name her) was that everyone comes in your life for a reason. Our friendship blossomed when I  had lost my sister and she morally supported me. Recently she has been too busy for months and when I needed her guidance for few things ,She couldn't have let her go because bitterness was affecting me. So every friendship may not last forever another lesson I have learnt. It is a lesson not easy to learn but if you learn, if nothing else you will have peace for sure.

Be a Little More Cautious Before You Present the Product in Public Domain Especially via Advertisements

I have always been an avid movie watcher. It runs in genes. My grand mother always accompanied us to movie shows. We are basically a family of visual learners, I guess. So, not only the movies, but T.V shows and even the advertisements draw our attention. I am, a writer, poet and educator. Being a teacher, it gets into my habit that I notice mistakes first. Yes, even in letters I receive from my loved ones. Recently I have got into habit of analyzing advertisements, commercials and news content too.

Though any mistakes leave a bad taste in my mouth but especially when I find mistakes in content presented in public purview, I feel what were the editors doing when checking the content before final release. I will not name the products but just mention few examples and references. An advertisement for a famous toothpaste talks of two to three problems but when they mention the relief they received, it is in terms of just one problem. As a consumer it leaves me wondering why were the other problems mentioned if they can't be solved with the use of advertised product ! remember incomplete information is not useful and dangerous. It is not just carelessness, it reflects on thoughtlessness too. As a consumer I would be rather wary of this product..

Similarly I have noticed that one advertisement tells railway passengers to throw caution to the wind. We all know about 'zehar khurani'(the gang which robs people by giving poison i guise of sharing food, tea, coffee etc. So even railways issue warning regularly to beware of such gangs. This tea advertisement says that the aroma of tea can help you identify good people so one must try this tea even if it is offered by a stranger with possible potential risk.

Do share your feedback readers..:-)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

Time to be back ...

     After a long gap, here I am. What has happened all this while and what kept me so occupied !Well ,I became a mother, not for the first time though. I delivered my son in 2006.Then in 2017 I became a mother to two pretty princesses. But they were not twins. I got my second baby in June and third in December. I can see the bewildered looks on your faces and questions sprinting in your mind. Well to end the suspense, the year 2017 was special to me as I got my first two puppies .Both Desi/Indies .One adopted from an adoption camp and the second one picked up from the road by my eleven year old son.

I won't say that I was ready to be a doggo Mumma, it took me a few weeks to become one. It was done very reluctantly just to fulfill my son's wish to have a sibling  and a companion. I  could not deliver a human baby so he gave the solution of adopting a dog. To be honest it was just the beginning of a journey, just the tip of the iceberg. Typsy and Tusky became my daughters, I never had. Having pets and becoming devoted pet parent are different things. People buy breed pets, keep them tied and do not allow them into beds and living rooms  are usual dog owners. Having dog indoors ,in living room, bed room, anywhere  where I am is being pet parent. Do you keep your children isolated and chained?

Well, I know my beliefs can be argued upon. There is no Rule-Book. But even my thoughts have evolved. In the beginning I also kept my dogs tied but as the time progressed I learnt to keep them on loose.Now crates were there but not for full time.

In 2019, we rescued a malnourished puppy from the road, all his siblings had been killed and the mother had left this pup. Originally I had never thought I would adopt him, but the puppy literally adopted us. He was so small and weak that it was impossible to leave him on the streets again. Thus, Bahubali became part of our family. He is the most possessive one, especially for me.

In October 2020, a NGO worker informed me about an abandoned Pom-mix female, who was almost in trauma. I had planned to foster her but after picking her up we realized she was pregnant. The vet told me that within a fortnight, she will deliver the babies, but her trauma led to a pre-mature delivery. She delivered seven babies. I was as overjoyed as I would be on being a real grandma. 

Now, began a series of losses and heartbreaks. First loss or death was of my sister's dog Sheero. Before I could recover from this loss, we lost another rescued pup 'Khushi' followed by forty five days old Tuffy and his sister and the first born of Mini, Joey, the doe eyed pup.. We gave them a heartfelt burial and continued our family's journey. One thing that I have realized and accepted is that one never recovers from death of a pet, especially a pet who is a family. Everyday or rather every moment that I spend with my fur-babies, I relive my pain of losing my babies as well as a haunting realization that most of them would be gone before I leave the world. 

All this realization hasn't curbed or reduced  my love for my babies.We again rescued a paralyzed Sheru from the drains but he was having Canine distemper and soon passed away. We have added a blind and rescued Toughie, who is actually the oldest and the baby Piku who has one paralyzed hind-leg. I, rather we have learned to love more and more. My son is very happy with his siblings and loves them more than anyone can and I take pride in being a doggo-mumma and a doggo grandma. Before I end, how can I forget my three stray babies who are under the threat of being killed at the hands of my neighbour. So most of the time they are with us. People say, the more, the merrier but I say, the more, more beautiful and loving it is. Bow bow,just wow.

                         “TUM SANG-A Journey of Togetherness In Verse”

In these two years 2020 and 2021,enough stress worries,concerns, trials and tribulations,the world has witnessed.We humans are falling short of faith in human  relationships, love, and kindness.Family system,marriages are turbulent and shaky,whether it is being at home full time with your spouse or stuck in long distance relationships due to being stuck in different cities and countries due to lock-downs.In these times I would recommend something for all my readers to read.But before that let me tell you a story.

There was a man, tall, fair and bespectacled. There was a woman, short, dusky and doe eyed. They were in late twenties, unmarried and settled in their respective careers. Then they met through a common friend. From being friends, they moved to falling in love and then they married. Their life began from a fairy tale wedded bliss, against all the odds, Then...Well I won’t tell the entire story..This story will be best felt when read through the lines of verses written by Nalini Srivastava in an anthology of poems very suitably titled “Tum Sang”, published by Express Publications..

Check out NaliniSrivastava on this link.

People always feel that poems and stories are inspired from the poets and writers' own life .Nalini says,”It may or may not be inspired.People should stop labeling the works and just enjoy the work as a creative work-piece.”

I.would share the views of famous blogger Rashmi Malapur Jaswal to give you an insight into the book..

“तुम संग पुस्तक परिचय  -यह कविताओं का संग्रह कुछ ख़ास हैं,क्यूँकि यह हमारी ज़िन्दगी के सबसे एहम पहलू पर गौर करती हैं -वह पहलू हैं  'रिश्ते ' कभी कभी हम यह सोचने पर मजबूर हो जाते हैं कि रिश्तों में हम सब कुछ भूल कर,क्या किसी और को चाहें ,क्या यह उचित है?खुद्दारी और ख़ुदाई को भूल कर हम किसी में समा ही जाएं?पर रिश्तों में हिसाब किताब नहीं होता,बेहिसाब प्यार करें किसी  को क्या यही ठीक है?

कितनी ख़ूबसूरती से नलिनी रिश्तों के हर पहलू  पर गौर करती हैं ,आसान शब्दोँ में लिखी उनकी कवितायेँ दिल को छू जाती हैं। मैं नलिनी के लेखन को इसलिए पसंद करती हूँ की वह हमारी रूह तक पहुँचती हैं और हर कविता को दिल से सँजोती हैं।  

यह कविता संग्रह हर दिल को गहराई  तक छू  जाएगी और रिश्तों की अहमियत फिर से याद दिला जाएगी। यह सच है हम सब रिश्तों से बंधे हैं पर सब रिश्तों के परे नलिनी अपने आप से एक रिश्ता कायम करके, सब से अलग खुद् को पाकर हम सबके दिल को छू जाती हैं। 

नलिनी जितनी खूबसूरत कवितायेँ अंग्रेजी में लिखती हैं  उतनी ही उम्दा हिंदी में भी लिखती हैं,हालाँकि अक्सर उर्दू का प्रभाव भी हम देखते हैं ,जो की स्वाभाविक है क्यूंकि वो लखनऊ की निवासी हैं। यह उर्दू उनकी कविताओं को और खूबसूरत बनाती हैं। 

“सधन्यवाद एवं सादर। 

रश्मि मलापुर जसवाल 

ब्लॉगर ,कवि एवं लेखिका 

Blog: Travel Beyond Words

www.researcheye.wordpress.com 

Translation-Tum Sang  collection of poems is special as it focuses upon the most important aspect of our life-human relations.Sometimes we are forced to think if it is appropriate to forget everything else when we fall in love!Forgetting even Honesty and the Almighty ,a lover tends to merge his/her own identity too….Nalini tends to cover all aspects of human relations beautifully.Using simple language she touches upon the chords of heart and inner depths of soul.This poetry anthology will make you think and understand the importance of human relations.This is true that we all are tied up willingly or unwillingly in human relationships but Nalini makes a unique relationship with herself and it is definitely very heartwarming. Nalini writes beautiful English verses and she is even better in Hindi.There is lot of Urdu influence in her works and it makes her poems even more beautiful and appealing.

-Rashmi Malapur Jaswal

(Blogger,Poet and Writer)

So my readers pick up the phone ad order it.We all may or not be poetry fan but we all adore emotions and Tum Sang appeals directly to your heart.

Happy Reading

                          Beware! the Single Moms Are Here to Claim Their Due

               

    

  (Credit:Indian single mother page;Facebook)

Oh! You are a single mother! Tch! Tch! Chuckles their  mental voice. The smile is replaced by a frown and a look of sympathy. I feel like either banging their head or hammering out their mentality, else making them vanish. Why do people assume that being a single mother is a curse or even a sin and such mothers are the sinners! I have met countless people with varied backgrounds and personalities but sadly the similar response. Not just in India but also abroad. It is truly a global family mindset, male and females alike but more so among males.

Aha! Did I confuse you? Did you think that here one more goes on ga, ga, ga about woman empowerment! No. I am not among those. But before I enlighten you further, let me elaborate,”What a single mother is in my view.” A mother who is carrying on the job of parenting alone, where due to death of spouse, separation or divorce or when the other partner is an absentee parent. Now here with the use of the term absentee parent and a concept of being a single mom is by choice, is where I push through my idea of the sunny side of being a single mother in today’s time and how powerful they can be.

A woman can be a single mother by choice too.

https://www.thehindu.com/society/meet-the-choice-mothers-single-women-whove-opted-for-parenthood-without-a-partner/article29920954.ece  

Yes, If a woman decides to shoulder the responsibility of bringing up the child/children single handedly, sharing or not sharing the financial responsibility with the spouse. The responsibility of finance is not the only part of parenting.Daily, moment by moment a parent grooms the child. The habits, personality, manners, values, beliefs, physical, mental, psychological, moral well being….everything matters especially when it is so easy to get distracted. The stakes are too high and rewards hardly any except the satisfaction and yes! It matters. The woman who takes responsibility here is not doing a mean task. She is more powerful than a CEO of a MNC but she can’t shine too bright for the fear that the child may wilt and she cannot be too adjusting else what is at stake is not an industry but a future and all the associated futures.

It is walking a thin line, being prepared for all the blames and the brickbats yet not expecting any accolades not even recognition. Her success and victory is the success of the child/children. While I say this,  I am not trying to glorify the single mothers and they may or may not sacrifice the worldly comforts and their ambitions. Whatever may be the situation or circumstances that may create or lead to single motherhood ,having ambitions makes the job even more taxing and tricky but the females take on the task, happily or unhappily, most often not being left with the choice. But if the partner willingly or unwillingly takes one responsibility and the other, another one, the job and the responsibilities both are demanding ,exhausting yet satisfying.

 

                                       (Credit:Surviving as a single parent-Parents.com)

If the Queen of Jhansi https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rani_of_Jhansi could fight a battle for liberation of Jhansi against the huge British army while carrying Damodar Rao, a baby on her back this contemporary life is no less than this that real battle, just the demands are varied, reasons are variable and the weapons are abstract, virtual ,evolving constantly and energy sapping .

 We have become demanding not just for others but for ourselves too. And imagine while a mom can be patting her back in thoughts and spirits, celebrating every little achievement or /and accomplishments and then that frown or the look  in the eyes of the opponent crashes her morale or on the other side she may take out that invisible dagger or the boxing gloves to deliver a knockout punch.

So stop pitying the single mothers.It is not always forced,circumstantial but also by choice .Do not take us lightly  Yes I am also one of the torch bearers v with one son and ten fur babies.We are happy ,sometimes sadness may be there but is there anyone in the world who doesn’t get sad sometimes See that halo!Yes we are shining,Basking in the glory of parenthood ,who cares single or ……. :-)

(Credit:GoIndia.com)

Signing Off,

The Super Mom Representative

Nalini Srivastava

With another lockdown around the corner sharing a piece of writeup I did in 2020

 

The lockdown and the world of special needs parents and children

March 25, 2020, the lockdown was announced. My son who was in between his class 8 exams was bored of preparing and revising for his indefinitely postponed final exams. His only comfort was his evening cricket time with his friend. Earlier it was friends but ever since news of COVID19 was pouring in, I had told him not to play in group, just his best cricket mate was allowed since Holi.

Before I narrate further, let me brief you about my son. Kabir, my only son will soon be 14.Hw was diagnosed first with Aspergers and finally with moderate autism spectrum. That was the year 2013.His main issues are sensory which I have trained him to manage .He goes to a mainstream school and he always has been a hyperactive child. He learnt how to tie laces in 2017.His handwriting is a proof of his late developed fine motor skills. He is good in studies and loves to cuddle and kiss and hug me. His therapists say it is his sensory need. I am training him how to be less demonstrative in public. Since he has endless energy he found his way out in sports. He demolished my drawing room left wall teaching himself cricket. Of course I made him join proper cricket academy for his practice, to save rest of my home! Since 2018 he has been part of a local college under14 cricket team. He also plays basketball, table tennis, football, kabaddi etc.

So now with this background ,you all may better understand what happened when I told him that he cannot go out of house and specially he can’t play with his friends. WHAT! WHY?????? And then long sulking silence. The afternoon passed onto evening. The glares, frowns and more silence. Finally I shake him and ask him to speak something .Angry, teary eyed frustrating silence and just monosyllabic ‘NO’.I and Kabir have a tradition of writing down our feelings whenever we can’t talk it out. Since my husband is often on tours, I and Kabir are each other’s constant companion, sharing our highs and lows of emotions. I took out my laptop and put it in his lap to type out and vent out his annoyance. He did, we both felt better and we sat down to work out other ways to burn his endless energy.

Now he has worked out a proper work out exercise schedule. He shares the list of work outs he is doing, squats etc which I patiently listen to. He also spends practicing his dance moves which he is learning on his own. He is allowed some instagram and twitter time. And of course he has his class 9 online classes daily and associated homework. Thankfully one part has been sorted. My smiling, cuddling son is back. I recently turned 49 and he made the day special. We parents can’t expect a smooth life. I have a new problem staring at me. He hates his online English classes. I do teach him at home as English is my own subject. But I cannot get his English teacher changed. Any suggestions!

-Nalini Srivastava @Naliniharish

 

SHARING HISTORY OF AUTISM ON AUTISM AWARENESS DAY

 Sharing from wall of Dr Madhurika

History of Autism

From the early 1900s, autism has referred to a range of neuro-psychological conditions. But where did the term come from, and how has knowledge about autism changed? Read on to learn about the history and the current understanding of this challenging condition.

Where Did the Term "Autism" Come From?

The word "autism" comes from the Greek word "autos," which means "self." It describes conditions in which a person is removed from social interaction. In other words, he becomes an “isolated self.”

Eugen Bleuler, a Swiss psychiatrist, was the first person to use the term. He started using it around 1911 to refer to one group of symptoms related to schizophrenia.

In the 1940s, researchers in the United States began to use “autism” to describe children with emotional or social problems. Leo Kanner, a doctor from Johns Hopkins University, used it to explain the behavior of several children he studied who acted withdrawn.