to nirbhaya

yes I am sad...i m sad at Nirbhaya's sad demise.But I m glad too that she was relieved from all the pains that she was fighting every moment.Now it is our responsibility that she doesn't become a forgotten chapter...Cases like her are happening every day..some reported others non reported..it is our responsibility-we who are women-to strengthen our self..and to ensure that no one can overpower us...the incident shouldn't make us scared and stop us from exploring our lives.Rape is an act of dominance on the part pf perverted males who cant bear the sight of a woman loving life on her terms...and for some it is an opportunity to indulge themselves....there is no limit to this sickness which doesn't stop at any age...whether it is a 3 month old baby girl to a 70 yr old woman....
I still don't agree with those who demand death for the rapists.I believe in some very painful punishment like castration or something where they are left alive and to live the pain they caused to that young girl....fear of death is never a deterrent..else so many crimes wouldn't be happening.....what we need is to make our gals very ready to face such perverts...and yes the role n importance of strict laws is very important ofcourse......

Written by - Nalini Srivastava 
To Nirbhaya...
I am sad,
Yes I am sad.
A brave heart has died,
her struggle to live has ceased.
A young heart that had thousand dreams
dreams,aspirations and promises to keep.
What was her fault,?
just that she was a woman,
a representative of female form, She caught notice of few perverted minds.
they used her,abused her,tortured her
beyond her bearing capacity,
beyond the limits what any human can even imagine.
She was left to fight for her ragged breaths,
uncovered,unattended,crying for help.
She fought,she fought to her last breath
but she lost the battle of life.
Let us not let her battle go into waste,
let us punish the offenders
let them live the pain,she endured
let them face the shame,
let them face our wrath and hatred.
but don't give them quick death
let them suffer,let them live
let them suffer,and live the tale
the tale of their bestial torture.
let their example be there
to teach others what lies ahead,
if they tried even to let
their lecherous eyes to wander on a female,
they will repent their entire life..
Nalini Srivastava
29th dec.

The irony of being a woman

I have never regretted being a woman.Rather I am proud of being a woman,the most beautiful and gifted creation of Lord almighty.But recent happenings in India have made me think...do I still like being a woman?Do I still want to pray for getting a girl child?do i find myself safe when I go out?what kind of future I see for my 11 year old niece who is on verge of puberty.?well yes I m very upset at what happened in Delhi...at the brutal and callous treatment meted out to the girl.And then few more cases followed and many more will follow.Has some thing new happened?No.I read almost every two days,sometimes daily also of one or the other crime against girls/women.Pune which was considered to be very safe for women,a place where I had traveled a 12 km distance alone in a public bus,at 11 p.m night.,is in such a dismal position that i get to read about a 5 yr old girl being raped by a 65 year man(who is surviving on Viagra doses)with the help of the mother of the girl...can things go any worse then that....how frightening is reading about repeated rape of a minor at the hands of her brother and father...is there anyone safe today...No I don't think so.will I dare to travel alone in a public transport even after 9 p.m ...no way...
But being  scared or apprehensive is not the solution.What would I like to do...hmmm I would have loved to learn self defense tricks but martial arts will be too tough on my aching bones so I guess pepper spray will be a good choice and of course some common precautions and my instinct.But I am more concerned about my neice and young girls,they should be definitely trained  into methods of self defense....and self reliability.....
Then of course we need strictest and quick punishments to the rapists and the teasers.I firmly believe that justice delayed is justice denied.and quick n speedy justice will boost morale of the victims and re-instill lost faith in judiciary.We need mass movement not the occasional furor..We need sensitization of masses and more strict laws.We need to work for awakening of women and girls,girl education and rise in respect of women and all this means complete overhaul of our patriarchal society.Can we do it?We can provided we keep consistent efforts....and will to do something,anything,and everything that we can at our individual level,as every attempt,effort counts.

well desrved vacations.....

It had been years since i took vacations...after marriage.just one visit to kasrla,2 days visit to mahabaleshwar,and numerous visits to mumbai...bt i dnt count them as vacations at all...since last 3 years since adi is abroad..i wanted to go out so many times but kept postponing with a desire that when adi will be bck..we will go on family vacations,but it never happened...i was exhausted dying for a break from monotonous pune...n routine life...finally decided to turn little selfish..finalised on whole 15 days vacation with kabir..though still it was a family trip means visit tyo lko my native city,agra-my masi's place n jhansi my sister's home bt a break is a break...i had a feeling that kabir wants a break from me,seeing me n me pnly..day n night at home...it was my test at his socialising skills also...with  few natural apprehensions at heart..wat if kabir didnt cooperate....n so on i decided to go....bonus was that mumma decided to join me too....
so we left pune on 6th,celebrated mumma's 70th birthday in mumbai n left for lucknow on 8th....jetlite played spoilt sport,delivered luggage next day a whole day visited...bt this didnt dampen our spirits....we visted friends,i met my extended family of my ex students spent some lovely time with salman bhai n his family and searched out my long lost friend shailendra ji...the pleasantly surprized look on his face made my day.
we left for agra on 10th nite,railways played spoilt sport.out of 3 seats only 1 got confirmed,settled mom n kabir n i sat whole nite.bt it didnt dampen our spirit still...whole two days..with masi,bhabhi,bhai and my two neices....and the visit to Tajmahal and Agra fort was the icing on the cake.
on 13th morning we left for jhansi just 2 n half hrs from agra it wasnt tiring...and it was day of diwali so definately we were all the more happy...now we had whole 7 days in hand to celebrate n enjoy with my sis,bro in law and my nephew n neice...kabir's best friends as he calls them...diwali was spent beautifully..actually a gud change after three lonely diwali.....kabir had a nlast too...amazing boy that he is..he has been wonderfully coperative during all these days...n its fourth day today and nw god is playing spoil sport...ma is ill,seriously ill...rt nw admitted in hospital...should i let my indomitable spirits crush down?or shud i keep the faith that ma will be well soon,back home and we will safely and in fine spirits board the plane back home on 20th for mumbai.....time will tell...

Mixed bag...

It was a mixed feelings day....I am still down with  severe skin rashes and the anti allergic leave me dead and dull but thankfully  I never fail to put alarm to wake up and be ready and alert to pick kabir on time.Today I was very hyper because the famous laboratory Religare had misplaced kabir's blood sample for allergy test and iI hadn't warned him enough that he will have to give his blood sample again...morning was too rush rush.
   When I went to pick him I told him that we have to go the hospital again to give blood sample.His face was drawn,he stiffened ,ready to break in to tears...and with just one question"why do I have to get one prick again? "I was so helpless that I wished  I could strangulate the lab people but what to do...here I was taking him against his wish and he obliged just with one sentence that test will help him in knowing now what all he can eat...I hit myself inwards as I mumbled to myself..or what he can't eat...When usually kids of his age don't want to look at chapati n sabji ,all he wants is simple chapati everyday and I can't give him that also because of his food allergies.I am just keeping my fingers crossed that at least his wheat and tomato allergy goes away so that he can eat normal meals at least.
we reached there and he cooperated till the time he got that painful prick...He was crying his heart out and so was me...It always happens and the hospital staff knows it so well that they might be ready with tissues every time provided I allow them to console both of us.But, no, its a very private emotion for both of us.We just wipe each others tears ..then I have a coffee and he has a tub of popcorn and all pain is forgotten soon.Then we went to badi mummy's place.She is my masi as well as tai.so I am very close to her.She is 73 and she has recurrent episodes of amnesia.But she loves me so much that she never fails to recognize me and kabir.Her family envies us too but who cares I go there to meet her.Anyway, as it happened that she was having her afternon siesta...and her care taker didnt tell her tat I had come.but she must have felt my presence as she called out to me in her sleep and my, my was she happy to see me!!!....she was ecstatic..and we spent some good one hour with her..
   Then we went to meet a friend.She was sad and the reason she was sad was personal so cant discuss it here but I did go back to the same time 8 years ago when I had faced the same situation and it had nearly destroyed me.I really wished of only I could take away her pain .She is a fighter she will survive it all but why God has to give pain to people who don't even hurt anyone..I kept thinking all the way back home.After reaching back we attended the last day's aarti and offered prayers and I made last announcement for sunday's autism awareness session.Few people did respond to registration and I decided against my plan that I will do the session even if just 5 people turned up..So the count down begins now...for sunday.
  Then it was time for result declaration for drawing competition.I was nervous...some how knowing that this time kabir didn't have much chance as I glanced at prize winning entries....But at heart I was angry how can society group kids from 5 to ten years in the same group?Wasn't it unfair..a 6 year old child competing against 6 ten year old children .Anyhow I was relieved to notice that kabir wasn't upset or even affected. He just checked on all drawings,it was 8.30 pm already, so he just said that he wanted to go home and sleep.I was relieved that he didn't realize that he had not won...he just wanted to sleep.I was also very tired.It had been a long long day for both of us.while kabir relaxed in front of t.v I cooked,checked my mail n chatted with a good friend.It was all sufficient to relax me.Kabir is sleeping and I am also going to draw the curtains now.Gudnite.

The ball sets rolling.....

It was 10th september2012,I was nervous,my first powerpoint presentation and its success and getting people's attention grabbed was going to be my mantra and aim.Thankfully ,my mom was going to be there to support me....she was there with me for many past days to help me to cope up the sentimental havoc I was facing.I was almost on verge of cancelling the awareness initiative as I didn't want to face anyone not even myself.But she helped me to come out of my wreckage.I got hold on myself and here I was all set for the initiative.

My friends Anita,Disha,Nilesh ,Ravindra,Bharat and Priyanka were with me and I had more than willing audience,eager to join me on this journey of awareness.I forgot all the script that I had prepared...only to get hold of the presentation with words spoken out of my love for my son,my heart totally involved in the cause and my experiences as a parent.People loved it ..I could feel and  seeing their rapt attention and my confidence was boosted.It went on smoothly..from designated 1 hour to two hours.It ended with a sense of satisfaction in my heart and looks of my friends and people who attended it.I was back to centre stage after 4 years and my my ,did I love it...

The ball has set rolling and I m already planning my next presentations in series and last night's  news that the chairman has given me the permission to hold it for society members too has given wings to my flight.My society people are the  most disinterested lot and to hook their attention is a real challenge for A-ACE team...and its giving me the adrenaline rush,one usually experiences in teenage or while facing some real adventure.I m indeed looking forward to it.. Its 14 September today.

LIFE IS GREY....

Life is grey....that was a poem I had written at least 8 yrs back and it got awarded by poetry.com and I was awarded certificate of accomplishment.This poem is mounted on wall of my drawing room.But why am I talking about it suddenly?I have been given new lease of life by my own poem at this most difficult time of my life...my marriage is on the rocks and I was very very bitter,feeling cheated ,angry,shattered and what not...

                      Just 3 days back I was sailing on the moon...On the seventh sky with the hope that my husband is back to us for good and basking in glory of kabir being a finalist at the poetry recitation competition.I was waiting for my husband to be back from his interview trip and that he would attend the function with me...actually kabir was waiting even more eagerly...But it all changed within hours..my husband left again,Kabir was devastated and I was so upset.I was hysterical for hours,For first time my neighbors complained that  I was keeping my t.v too loud...Actually I am glad now that they thought it was t.v not me....I was feeling so bad for kabir.He is seeing his class mates and his friends with their both parents...their father take them out for outing,play with them and help them on day to day basis...He had a wish list of at least ten things he wanted to do with his father..but it never materialized.How do I explain to my 6 year old son that why his father has gone back to his saudi office when just 3 days back he had promised that we will live together!!

       It took me whole one night to get back my composure after being totally hysterical...And in the morning I just saw my poem ..and I smiled.I realized that its all part of life.I can't afford being so angry and upset..it was directly affecting my son,previous night he had a terrible bout of asthma seeing my anger...No way I could allow that to happen to him.I may have lost faith in love but I can't allow him to have that negative attitude towards life and love just when he is exploring the beauty of relations.I pledged to myself that kabir won't experience the bitterness of broken homes.He will not be forced to think ill of his father.He needs his father in his life and he will have it though may be a distance relationship.

     So I am back to my usual life ,avoiding thinking about the bad events of my life.I am trying to be so positive that I am avoiding the slightest of negative thoughts.Last on Monday I just enjoyed the stupendous performance of kabir at the finals,though the nagging English teacher inside was noticing the liitle mistakes that he made,but I pushed her to the back and enjoyed the thrill of this major achievement of my wonderful son.I relished the fact that his vice-principal who had called me to complain about behavioral issues of Kabir,was surprised and very happy with kabir's performance.She told me that "Kabir was really very good" and I could see that look of appreciation for my efforts at his improvement.My day was made.

   So now my next move is to get a good paying job as soon as possible.I need to work and earn to create enough funds for kabir 's future.Though my husband hasn't shrugged off his financoial responsibilties but i don't want to leave anything to chance.Moreover I need to work to keep my over active,over fertile,overtime working brain really busy so that I don't go back to depression and brooding.Yes,Life Is Grey.and it is best this way.If it would be totally white it would be so predictable and boring And if it was all black...it would be so miserable so I love my life with its specks of grey.

Course of My life

Well,well well,the course of my life has been a combination of a kutchi pukki road,with its own offering of potholes and smooth rides.My childhood with its support of my parents towards my excellent education and no compulsion for getting married early was all  a smooth ride for me but ofcourse with  instances of friction with my younger brother and lack of sufficient support from my sister.My career was the best phase ,the Express way drive.Those 9 years of my life were the best years of my life when I got endless affection and recognition and all that I sowed then I am still reaping.In between these years though I  faced few potholes where I survived emotional accidents and finally I met my prince charming at one of the resting stops .I decided to call it a day and decided to hault my journey on somewhere on the express high way and to settle somewhere near the pune city.Since then it has been again a kutchhi pukki road which you find anywhere and every where if you travel. in India.So,no complaints.I am enjoying the normal course of not so normal life.Who knows ,what future has in store for me.Journey hasn't ended yet....it has just reached the midway.....